Friday evening...

The weekend has properly started and by all rights I should put on my party clothes now and go out to a pub or a disco. No, I should go out for dinner first and then go out for drinks and a dance. 

In my younger years I would have done so, but I'm afraid that I no longer have it in me. I wouldn't know how to party if I stumbled into one. I've forgotten completely how to do it. The noise of it would drive me mad. I'm a middle aged woman on the wrong side of the middle after all. 

I'd rather have an intimate get together over white wine and candlelight in a cozy pub by a fireplace in a small inn somewhere. That's about my speed. Somewhere in the countryside where I can look at the starry sky later in the evening. A little tipsy maybe, but feeling no pain. 

A woman can fantasize, can't she? I'll fantasize a tall, dark, handsome stranger to go with it. Someone who dissolves in the morning before breakfast so as not to spoil the illusion. I don't want him to see the saggy bits by daylight. The harsh truth, as it is so unkindly called. The one you have to face up to during the day when you're sober and sensible. 

I am, in the first place, a sensible woman. Make no mistake about it. In the end I always do the right thing and I don't let my imagination get out of hand. This leads me to live a very sedate life without any sort of wild abandon in it. I no longer live my life like it's a dramatic novel or a larger than life film. Something by Ingmar Bergman with a lot of pain in it. 

I suppose that if you get burned bad enough, you learn to live your life without any shenanigans in it. You avoid drama. You steer clear of anything that could be highly emotional and volatile. You learn to appreciate peacefulness and predictability.

Well, look at me, preaching to the probably already converted. I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you anything new. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Own up to nothing...

I just walked the dog in the late afternoon autumn sun. It was pleasant to be out there because it wasn't too cold and there was no wind to speak of. I had to enjoy it extra much because tomorrow it's going to start raining and it will be done with the fun. I wanted to tell the dog to enjoy the weather, but I don't think he would have cared one way or the other. It's all the same to him. 

I'm having a much needed cup of coffee and it is agreeing with me better than the glass of milk I tried earlier. The milk upset my stomach and caused me to have much discomfort. I'm not back to normal yet. I think now that I must have some bacterial or viral infection because I really felt ill too while I was having these stomach problems. While I am having them still. 

Tonight I'm going to make a very light chicken soup and hope for the best. I'm not going to put any vermicelli in it and basically keep it as simple as possible. It will be mostly bouillon. My personal helper said that I should keep my electrolytes in balance and to do that with something salty. So soup it is.

There, I've already told you more than I was planning to. I was going to keep it light and simple, just like my soup. I wasn't planning on going into a lengthy discourse on my stomach. 

I'm so ready for my glasses to be ready. I'm anticipating a phone call every day, but it may take another week. I've gone so long without glasses, I should be able to wait that much longer. I'm just very impatient to have them. Every day I'm second guessing if I picked the right pair, but I won't know for sure until I've got them on. And then it will be too late to change my mind. 

I've forgotten to watch the news. Now I'm ignorant until later this evening. Luckily, I get a second opportunity. There are political shenanigans going on again. Aren't there always? 

I must make soup to strengthen me. I can't face it on an empty stomach. 

I hope you'll all have a nice evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Waiting for the dawn...

I went on the bathroom scale just now and much to my surprise, I had lost two kilos. I was not expecting that and almost made a little jump of happiness. I was standing on the scale at the time, so it's a good thing that I didn't because surely I would have broken it. 

I now have to lose 900 grams to reach my goal, but if I want to reach the weight of my skinny days, I have to lose five more kilos. Then I will be at the weight that I was when I was twenty years old. I get the distinct feeling that it can be done. 

I was also that weight before I got big from the medication. Before I started craving all those carbohydrates and all the fat started sticking to my bones. Before those nightmarish days in which I lost track of myself. 

Thank goodness those days are behind me. I'm no longer groping in the dark and not aware of myself and what is happening to me. It all truly was a bad dream. One which I never wish to be lost in again. God forbid that I should ever go through anything like that again. 

I don't expect to go through anything like it again. My head is in a much better space and I'm no longer in a unhealthy relationship. My eating is under control  and I'm not obsessed with unhealthy foods. I live a fairly normal life. As far as 'normal' is definable.

The depressions are the worst things that happen to me. I don't have control over them, but even they don't cause me to eat more. They do make me crave certain foods, but I don't have to give in to that. 

I very much feel like eating chocolate when I get down in the dumps, but that would be the worst thing I could do. It would only create a more morose mood. 

My skinny clothes are getting a little big on me, although not all of them. Some of them are very stretchy and will fit me for a long time. The jeans I have to hitch up with a belt. There's no other way about it. It's all for a good reason, n'est ce pas? 

And here it is early in the morning and I'm already awake. I don't know why I am already. Even the dog and the cat are still sound asleep. I have no good reason to be up. There's enough time in the day to do the things that I have to do.

I could possibly talk myself into going back to bed for a while, but I'm really not sleepy anymore. I don't think there's anything on TV this early in the morning. And I'm severely limited in how much coffee I can drink. I don't want to upset my stomach.

I may possibly have to take up a hobby. I had thought about taking up knitting, but now I'll seriously have to consider it. There are worse things I could do.

Have a nice day all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

Neutrality...

All moments should be as simple as this one. Every minute should be as uncomplicated as this one is. Unfortunately, today they aren't and I find myself at times filled with anxiety. 

I know why that is. It's because I wasn't able to stick to the diet because of unforeseen circumstances. It wasn't really because of a fault of my own, but still it makes me feel highly uncomfortable. Going on the diet was a big deal, going off it is an even bigger deal. 

I don't generally do well with changes in my life and this is a double whammy. On top of that I had the discomfort of the stomach problems. It's all been too upsetting for me and I wonder how I would deal with a real crisis. 

Well, it's the seemingly small problems in life that are always the hardest to tackle. Those are the ones that sneak up on you. It's the bigger things we are better prepared for and get the most support in. 

I must say that I consider myself fortunate that I don't have to deal with any big problems and that this is a relative small one that I have to tackle. I do have to count my blessings, after all. I must never forget to do that. God forbid that I should start thinking that my life is overly complicated. 

See how everything is relative? I started off worrying and before you know it, I've talked myself right out of it. I must just accept that I can't follow that silly diet and that I have a sensitive stomach. A stomach with an instruction booklet. That's all, no more, no less. 

At least I'm able to drink a cup of coffee with milk in it, that's truly a blessing. You know how much I want my cup of coffee. How much I need it. I'm not the same woman if I haven't had it. It perks me up tremendously if I'm in need of it. I won't be drinking tea any time soon. I had not such a good experience with it. 

The sun has been shining all day and the dog and the cat have been sitting in front of the window watching the world come by. It has been very entertaining to them because it has been very busy and lots of people have walked through the street. It's been like watching TV for them. 

I've got to see if I can catch the latest news and find out about the state of the country. I hope it's not going to hell in a hand basket yet. According to our able politicians, it isn't.

Ciao,

Nora

And now for something really different...

It's early in the morning before dawn, but I find myself awake already. I'm more than ready for the day to start and I don't know why that is either. It's not as if I have a heck of a lot of interesting things to do today. I'll have to find ways in which to amuse myself so I won't get bored.

Of course, I'm still yawning, so I'm not as awake as I claim to be. That may be just a sign of the remnants of my sleep though. I'm having a cup of coffee and it may take care of that soon. If I do fail to wake up properly after all, I will go back to bed, but I'm not counting on it. 

I have taken my medicines and my vitamins and those are such big pills that I'll have to wait before I can eat breakfast. They will have to pass my gastric band first. I will have to wait for about an hour.  Then I have to decide which of the foods that I have available to me I'm going to eat for breakfast. 

It can be anything, as long as I feel like eating it. It's just a matter of getting my nutrients in for today and in what order I want to do that. I will have to wait until an hour from now and see what I feel like eating then. Maybe I will just have a plum. I hope they are a little more ripe than they were yesterday. 

I'm finishing up the last of the milk in my coffee. After that there will be no more milk and I'll have to drink my coffee black or with powdered creamer. I'm undecided which I will do. I think they are both bad choices that I'll have to get used to. 

I'm thinking of going with the black coffee because I used to drink my coffee black. I think in the end it will be the simplest choice and I'm not all that fond of powdered creamer. It does have an artificial taste. It will be easier to just pour a cup of black coffee. 

Right, I'll go see what other kind of trouble I can get into. I hope you'll all have a great day. And nice weather, of course. 

Ciao,

Nora

Full steam ahead...

It's a very blustery day today. There's a stiff breeze blowing and if it weren't for the hairspray, I would have no hairdo left to speak of. Of course, it's a short haircut, so it stays in place better, but it would have been blown to pieces if I had left it to the whims of the wind. As it is, I still look very decent after having walked the dog and I hardly have to put a hair back in place. 

I've got all the windows open at the top and there's a strong draft blowing through the apartment. It's not cold in here, that's a blessing. I don't have to worry about the temperature yet. The weatherman refused to say if it was going to be a very cold winter this coming season. I think he didn't want to prematurely worry us and spoil our fun. We all think that cold winter is coming anyway.

I've been wearing my winter coat and enjoying it a lot. It's warm and comfortable and the big pockets are very handy. It's just about the best coat I've had in a long time. I just hope it's warm enough for whatever big freeze we're in for. I will have to get ready to wear layers. I'm mentally preparing myself for anything at all. 

I've also been wearing my skinny jeans a lot. It turns out that they are the most comfortable pieces of clothing that I have. I never thought I would find so. I was very hooked on wearing skirts and dresses and wore those a lot. Skinny jeans do indeed make you feel skinny. They make you feel like you have long legs that go all the way up to your shoulders. It's nice to live under that illusion. 

After having been feisty for about a week, the dog has settled down again and is quite a bit more mellow. At least he's leaving the cat in peace and isn't bothering her anymore. He really was bossing her around. The cat is really relaxed about it and acts like she doesn't care. She finds a safe haven on my lap if the dog gets out of hand too much. She doesn't flee the apartment like you'd think she would. She has lots of patience.

To supplement my diet, I've started taking vitamin B-complex, Calcium with Magnesium and Kelp tablets. It's easy to remember to take them because I take them at the same time I do my medicines. They all go down the hatch easily. This is all in effort to be a healthier person and I think I will notice somewhere down the line if it works. I have to be faithful to the regiment and to the diet I'm going to be following which will include lots of fruits and vegetables. 

Speaking of diet, I've got to eat now. My stomach is growling. 

I hope you'll all have a good evening. 

Ciao,

Nora

Battling rain...

Just as I was taking the dog out for a walk, it started to rain, so I made a beeline back home after the dog had done his business. Luckily, it didn't take him too long to do this. He is a very accommodating dog when it comes to things like that. In other ways he can be very stubborn. 

I'd like to think that maybe he realized that it was raining and that we were getting wet, but I don't know if he's as bright as all that. He doesn't care much if he gets wet. He's got thick fur, so it doesn't bother him. To tell you the truth, it didn't bother me all that much either. I was wearing my winter coat and it has a hood that I had pulled up over my head. Neither one of us got much worse for the wear. 

So you see, it was actually a non-adventure and absolutely not worth mentioning, but it did fill up some empty space on the page and now you know about the weather conditions. 

I heard from someone that next month it's going to be very cold. I don't know where this person got the wisdom to know this, but I hope she's wrong.  When someone says it's going to be very cold, all I can think of is snow and ice because surely that will come with it. I don't mind the snow, but I'm ever so wary of the ice that forms in a thick layer underneath it. Luckily, I do have the right boots now, so I should be safe when it comes to walking around on it, but it will not be with joy. 

My attention has been called to the book 'The Help' by Kathryn Stockett and I think I will see if I can get it in the paperback edition because it will fit through my mail slot better than the hardbound. Of course, the subject matter is far removed from my bed because, after all, what in my life has to do with black household help in the 60's in the USA and little white children of privileged families? It will be educational if it is factually written and not emblazoned with false sentimentality. I will read it critically and keep in mind that it's written by one of these grown up children.

It's time for me to eat dinner. My stomach is growling and it should be because it's been some time since I've eaten. I'm more than ready for a meal. First I'll have a tall glass of milk to quench my thirst. My everlasting thirst. 

Have a good evening you all. 

Ciao,

Nora