In which I turn into a pumpkin...

Here I am sitting in my bathrobe with my new glasses on, being able to see and read everything. Things are a revelation to me. I never knew what it was like to see so well up close and far away. 

That doesn't mean I'm not about to topple out of this chair from sleepiness, the coffee not withstanding. I'm forcing myself to be awake just so I get to wear my glasses and try them out. It's such a shame to put them away in their case for the night.

No doubt I will get used to this novelty and soon I will be going to sleep again like regular people. In the meantime, I'm punch drunk with sleep and feeling very mellow. I will probably fall asleep in this chair behind the computer. I've done it in the past and I can do it again. A little nap wouldn't hurt. 

The caffeine is resuscitating me a little bit and I'm not in as bad a shape as when I turned the computer on. I was near comatose then. I could hardly lift an arm. The coffee barely made it to my lips, but I'm working on my second cup now. I'm finding some strength in it. 

This is all due to the fact that I had a fairly busy day by my standards and that I hardly slept the night before it. Going downtown by myself to pick up my glasses was kind of a big deal, although I seemed to do it effortlessly. I did worry about it beforehand and no doubt that is why I slept so badly. 

Seemingly little things like that can still bother me a lot. But I'm brave in spite of myself when the stakes are high enough. 

I haven't turned into a pumpkin yet and I doubt very much that I'm going to now. The magic hour has passed without it happening. I'm still just an ordinary mortal with a sleep filled mind, but I think I will be up for a while yet. I'm not ready to go to bed. 

It seems like a very boring place to be right now. I must be getting my second wind. Doubtlessly, the coffee is beginning to do its work.

I must find some entertaining ways in which to amuse myself. I think there are some blogs that I have to comment on. I'm awake enough now to be able to do that. I do have the benefit that in the morning it will be Saturday and a day on which I can do what I choose to do. 

Ciao,

Nora

In the early morning...

After a not so terribly sleep filled night. I'm sitting here early in the morning with my second cup of coffee being wide awake again. Apparently, my need to sleep was not so great and what little I did get was enough. 

It wasn't the dog who woke me up. He was sound asleep on the bed beside me. So was the cat. I woke up all by myself in a sweat and had to get up to cool off. I sat here in my pajamas for a while until I had. I just now put on my bathrobe and the heater isn't even on. 

It was not such a cold night and it isn't very chilly in the apartment, even though the living room windows are open at the top to air out the place. I only have the heater on sometimes for short periods of time. Just enough so when it does get cold in here, I can heat the apartment up a little bit. I'm not going to make the energy company very happy. I won't be their favorite customer. 

Today is going to be a very uneventful day because I have no appointments and nobody coming over. That is, unless the optician calls me to tell me that my glasses are ready. Then I'll go downtown on my bike to pick them up. Yesterday it was two weeks since I ordered them and it's about time that they are ready. 

I think waiting two weeks for a pair of glasses is an awful long time. I wouldn't have gone to this particular optician if I had known this ahead of time. I could easily have gone to another one or even have gone back to Specsavers where I had gone originally. I'm sure I would have had them by now. 

At any rate, I'm going to have to fill the day in a useful and entertaining manner. I will have to think of things to do that will keep me occupied. I will pretend to be a good housewife and look for chores to do. And I will definitely be a good pet owner and take the dog for many long walks. The weather will be nice enough for it anyway. 

I'm thirsty and I would drink a glass of cold milk now, but milk hasn't been agreeing with my stomach. It's a darn shame because I like cold milk very much and, besides coffee, it's my favorite beverage. My stomach revolts against milk and absolutely rejects it and I think that's a clear sign that I should not drink it. 

I will again have to start drinking rooibos tea and green tea with lemon now that I'm over that stomach bug. Nothing was agreeing with me when I had that. Even a glass of water was painful to drink. That sure had me confused until I figured out that I must be sick. I thought I was having some sort of a problem because of my gastric band. 

I don't associate being sick with myself. I so rarely am, that I don't expect to be. I have an occasional chest cold that is a little bronchial, but it happens only once a year and I get over it in no time. I miss out, as a rule, on all the viruses and other things that go around every winter. Everybody around me gets sick and I hardly ever do. I also don't get a flu shot and now there's even doubt about the sense of it. 

I must knock on wood.

It's time to get the day started. I must find some interesting and warm clothes to wear. I'm sure that will be no problem, organized as I am. As soon as it gets light enough, I will take the dog for a walk. 

I hope you'll all have a nice day.

Ciao,

Nora

Friday evening...

The weekend has properly started and by all rights I should put on my party clothes now and go out to a pub or a disco. No, I should go out for dinner first and then go out for drinks and a dance. 

In my younger years I would have done so, but I'm afraid that I no longer have it in me. I wouldn't know how to party if I stumbled into one. I've forgotten completely how to do it. The noise of it would drive me mad. I'm a middle aged woman on the wrong side of the middle after all. 

I'd rather have an intimate get together over white wine and candlelight in a cozy pub by a fireplace in a small inn somewhere. That's about my speed. Somewhere in the countryside where I can look at the starry sky later in the evening. A little tipsy maybe, but feeling no pain. 

A woman can fantasize, can't she? I'll fantasize a tall, dark, handsome stranger to go with it. Someone who dissolves in the morning before breakfast so as not to spoil the illusion. I don't want him to see the saggy bits by daylight. The harsh truth, as it is so unkindly called. The one you have to face up to during the day when you're sober and sensible. 

I am, in the first place, a sensible woman. Make no mistake about it. In the end I always do the right thing and I don't let my imagination get out of hand. This leads me to live a very sedate life without any sort of wild abandon in it. I no longer live my life like it's a dramatic novel or a larger than life film. Something by Ingmar Bergman with a lot of pain in it. 

I suppose that if you get burned bad enough, you learn to live your life without any shenanigans in it. You avoid drama. You steer clear of anything that could be highly emotional and volatile. You learn to appreciate peacefulness and predictability.

Well, look at me, preaching to the probably already converted. I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you anything new. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Own up to nothing...

I just walked the dog in the late afternoon autumn sun. It was pleasant to be out there because it wasn't too cold and there was no wind to speak of. I had to enjoy it extra much because tomorrow it's going to start raining and it will be done with the fun. I wanted to tell the dog to enjoy the weather, but I don't think he would have cared one way or the other. It's all the same to him. 

I'm having a much needed cup of coffee and it is agreeing with me better than the glass of milk I tried earlier. The milk upset my stomach and caused me to have much discomfort. I'm not back to normal yet. I think now that I must have some bacterial or viral infection because I really felt ill too while I was having these stomach problems. While I am having them still. 

Tonight I'm going to make a very light chicken soup and hope for the best. I'm not going to put any vermicelli in it and basically keep it as simple as possible. It will be mostly bouillon. My personal helper said that I should keep my electrolytes in balance and to do that with something salty. So soup it is.

There, I've already told you more than I was planning to. I was going to keep it light and simple, just like my soup. I wasn't planning on going into a lengthy discourse on my stomach. 

I'm so ready for my glasses to be ready. I'm anticipating a phone call every day, but it may take another week. I've gone so long without glasses, I should be able to wait that much longer. I'm just very impatient to have them. Every day I'm second guessing if I picked the right pair, but I won't know for sure until I've got them on. And then it will be too late to change my mind. 

I've forgotten to watch the news. Now I'm ignorant until later this evening. Luckily, I get a second opportunity. There are political shenanigans going on again. Aren't there always? 

I must make soup to strengthen me. I can't face it on an empty stomach. 

I hope you'll all have a nice evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Waiting for the dawn...

I went on the bathroom scale just now and much to my surprise, I had lost two kilos. I was not expecting that and almost made a little jump of happiness. I was standing on the scale at the time, so it's a good thing that I didn't because surely I would have broken it. 

I now have to lose 900 grams to reach my goal, but if I want to reach the weight of my skinny days, I have to lose five more kilos. Then I will be at the weight that I was when I was twenty years old. I get the distinct feeling that it can be done. 

I was also that weight before I got big from the medication. Before I started craving all those carbohydrates and all the fat started sticking to my bones. Before those nightmarish days in which I lost track of myself. 

Thank goodness those days are behind me. I'm no longer groping in the dark and not aware of myself and what is happening to me. It all truly was a bad dream. One which I never wish to be lost in again. God forbid that I should ever go through anything like that again. 

I don't expect to go through anything like it again. My head is in a much better space and I'm no longer in a unhealthy relationship. My eating is under control  and I'm not obsessed with unhealthy foods. I live a fairly normal life. As far as 'normal' is definable.

The depressions are the worst things that happen to me. I don't have control over them, but even they don't cause me to eat more. They do make me crave certain foods, but I don't have to give in to that. 

I very much feel like eating chocolate when I get down in the dumps, but that would be the worst thing I could do. It would only create a more morose mood. 

My skinny clothes are getting a little big on me, although not all of them. Some of them are very stretchy and will fit me for a long time. The jeans I have to hitch up with a belt. There's no other way about it. It's all for a good reason, n'est ce pas? 

And here it is early in the morning and I'm already awake. I don't know why I am already. Even the dog and the cat are still sound asleep. I have no good reason to be up. There's enough time in the day to do the things that I have to do.

I could possibly talk myself into going back to bed for a while, but I'm really not sleepy anymore. I don't think there's anything on TV this early in the morning. And I'm severely limited in how much coffee I can drink. I don't want to upset my stomach.

I may possibly have to take up a hobby. I had thought about taking up knitting, but now I'll seriously have to consider it. There are worse things I could do.

Have a nice day all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

Neutrality...

All moments should be as simple as this one. Every minute should be as uncomplicated as this one is. Unfortunately, today they aren't and I find myself at times filled with anxiety. 

I know why that is. It's because I wasn't able to stick to the diet because of unforeseen circumstances. It wasn't really because of a fault of my own, but still it makes me feel highly uncomfortable. Going on the diet was a big deal, going off it is an even bigger deal. 

I don't generally do well with changes in my life and this is a double whammy. On top of that I had the discomfort of the stomach problems. It's all been too upsetting for me and I wonder how I would deal with a real crisis. 

Well, it's the seemingly small problems in life that are always the hardest to tackle. Those are the ones that sneak up on you. It's the bigger things we are better prepared for and get the most support in. 

I must say that I consider myself fortunate that I don't have to deal with any big problems and that this is a relative small one that I have to tackle. I do have to count my blessings, after all. I must never forget to do that. God forbid that I should start thinking that my life is overly complicated. 

See how everything is relative? I started off worrying and before you know it, I've talked myself right out of it. I must just accept that I can't follow that silly diet and that I have a sensitive stomach. A stomach with an instruction booklet. That's all, no more, no less. 

At least I'm able to drink a cup of coffee with milk in it, that's truly a blessing. You know how much I want my cup of coffee. How much I need it. I'm not the same woman if I haven't had it. It perks me up tremendously if I'm in need of it. I won't be drinking tea any time soon. I had not such a good experience with it. 

The sun has been shining all day and the dog and the cat have been sitting in front of the window watching the world come by. It has been very entertaining to them because it has been very busy and lots of people have walked through the street. It's been like watching TV for them. 

I've got to see if I can catch the latest news and find out about the state of the country. I hope it's not going to hell in a hand basket yet. According to our able politicians, it isn't.

Ciao,

Nora

And now for something really different...

It's early in the morning before dawn, but I find myself awake already. I'm more than ready for the day to start and I don't know why that is either. It's not as if I have a heck of a lot of interesting things to do today. I'll have to find ways in which to amuse myself so I won't get bored.

Of course, I'm still yawning, so I'm not as awake as I claim to be. That may be just a sign of the remnants of my sleep though. I'm having a cup of coffee and it may take care of that soon. If I do fail to wake up properly after all, I will go back to bed, but I'm not counting on it. 

I have taken my medicines and my vitamins and those are such big pills that I'll have to wait before I can eat breakfast. They will have to pass my gastric band first. I will have to wait for about an hour.  Then I have to decide which of the foods that I have available to me I'm going to eat for breakfast. 

It can be anything, as long as I feel like eating it. It's just a matter of getting my nutrients in for today and in what order I want to do that. I will have to wait until an hour from now and see what I feel like eating then. Maybe I will just have a plum. I hope they are a little more ripe than they were yesterday. 

I'm finishing up the last of the milk in my coffee. After that there will be no more milk and I'll have to drink my coffee black or with powdered creamer. I'm undecided which I will do. I think they are both bad choices that I'll have to get used to. 

I'm thinking of going with the black coffee because I used to drink my coffee black. I think in the end it will be the simplest choice and I'm not all that fond of powdered creamer. It does have an artificial taste. It will be easier to just pour a cup of black coffee. 

Right, I'll go see what other kind of trouble I can get into. I hope you'll all have a great day. And nice weather, of course. 

Ciao,

Nora