Doing what comes naturally...

I've just taken the dog for a walk in the crisp evening air. It was truly autumn out there and it felt so good. I loved the way the cold air felt on my face. It was invigorating and renewing and it cheered me up tremendously. It was like drinking ice cold milk, I almost couldn't get enough of it. That's why it's so nice to drink a cup of hot coffee now. It warms up my stomach and my extremities. 

The caffeine itself cheers me up tremendously too, of course. I wouldn't drink coffee if weren't for that. I associate the taste with the effect. I doubt very much if I would drink it if I were not to get some kind of kick out of it. Let's face it, coffee doesn't really taste all that great. It's just another addiction. One that you get rid off if you go live on a deserted island, or so I imagine. I imagine that a lot when I consider my addictions. 

It's dark outside now and I've turned on the lights in the living room. It's quite cozy in here. The dog is asleep in the armchair and the cat is asleep on the sofa. All is well with the world. At least in this little corner of it. I can't speak for the world at large, it's way too big and complicated. I'm sure there are many people on this earth who would want to trade places with me and I would say, "Who would want to live this boring and uneventful life?" But I'm sure it looks quite safe from the outside. 

I should be happy now because tomorrow is Friday and that's got to be one of my favorite days of the week. The Exfactor will be here to have a cup of coffee and to do some groceries and my new domestic help will be here in the afternoon. After that it will be as good as the weekend in my eyes. It will be time to relax, although I must say that I've done a lot of that during the week and that I've not felt stressed at all. I think the time of anxiety ridden weekdays is over. I mostly don't get too worked up much anymore.

It's nice to be able to be relaxed and to not feel stress all the time. I'm glad I'm off the tranquilizers because I think they were a big cause of that. It will be really great to get off the sleeping pill as well, although I don't know how much influence it has on my state of mind. I'm less aware of that. I'm curious to find out how much it does. 

I've got to go and watch the news. I'm all done saying what I had to say anyway. Mostly I was just blathering. Filling the 'page' with my words. 

I hope you'll all have a great evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Dawdling...

I should be out walking the dog now, but I'm drinking a delicious cup of coffee and feeling generally good mooded so I'm loathe to get off my butt. I refuse to accept that it's that time of the evening again and that I have to fulfill my duty. Besides, the dog is sound asleep on the floor beside me and doesn't seem in the least interested in going out. It will wait until later. 

First I'm going to sit here and take advantage of the moment. It is too good to let go to waste. I don't very often get that super peaceful feeling anymore during the day and I do want to hold on to it while I can. I'm afraid that if I get up and start moving around, it will disappear as snow for the sun. I hold it as if it is a precious gift. As if it is something very fragile. I don't want to break it into a hundred fragments. 

Outside it is gray and cool and slightly windy. It's the kind of weather I don't mind at all. Some drops of rain fell even. They were just a few, but even so. At least I get to wear some decent clothes and I don't have to walk around skimpily dressed. The windows are still open and fresh air is coming in through them. I hope that the smoky smell will disappear quickly, although it's not as bad as it has been in the past. It helps if there's a bit of a draft. 

The coffee tastes especially good. I made a strong pot of it having just woken up from a nap a while ago. I wasn't sure what time of day it was when I woke up and was slightly disappointed when I realized that it was only late in the afternoon. For some reason I expected it to be in the middle of the night. I must have been completely discombobulated. I think I was even dreaming. The coffee has wakened me up quite nicely and now I'm back to my full senses. Sometimes I get the proportions of ground coffee and water just right. 

It's nice to be in a peaceful mood. I feel like I'm having a Zen moment and it's lasting a while. It's like being infused with happiness for no good reason at all. It just came out of the blue, although I'd like to know what made it come about so I can have a repeat of the experience. But first I'll enjoy it as much as I can. I do have to stay in the moment. Infusions of peacefulness and happiness are always welcome. It doesn't matter where they came from. It's making them last that counts. 

It's slowly getting dark in the living room. It will be time to turn the lights on shortly. The evenings do start earlier all the time and with it true fall will come. It's already in the air today after all that warm weather. I'm curious to see when I'll have to start wearing my winter coat. I'm glad I bought it when I did. I'm more than ready for any kind of weather and I've got the boots for it too. I won't be caught unawares. 

I've got to take my peaceful mood and go walk the dog with it before it really gets dark. It will be nice to be outside in the cool air for a while. It will cheer me up tremendously, not that I really need any cheering up. I will add another dimension to my mood. The dog will be most happy to go outside and walk through the fallen leaves. We will both benefit from the fresh air. 

I hope you'll all have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Small pleasures...

I've just finished a cup of coffee and, because it was the last one in the pot, I'll have to have a glass of milk now. Life is tough. You can't always get what you want.

I am thirsty and not about to sit here without something to drink. I do like some amount of instant gratification. Some things I hate to do without. I don't like to suffer. I'll do it if there's no other option, but if there is a choice, I'd rather not. I guess I do want what I can get most of the time.

It's some time in the afternoon of a sunny Thursday. There's nothing I should be doing now but sitting here writing this post. Unless it is lying outside on a chaise lounge getting a tan and I'm not about to expose my tender skin to the harsh rays of the hot autumn sun.

It would look good, a tan or many freckles. I just don't really have the patience to lie out there long enough to get any color or to be the focus of attention of the neighborhood in the meantime. I'd have to lie out front of the apartment and be the butt of all jokes in my skimpily dressed body. The thought alone makes me break out in a sweat.

Well, it's not as bad as all that. I do exaggerate. If forced at gunpoint I would go sit out there and bask in the sun. I can remove my watch and you'd see the very faint outline of it on my wrist. That's how much sun I've gotten this summer. But you can also blame that on the weather.

For as warm as it is outside, that's as cool as it is inside. I've got the back door and the windows open and I'm sitting in a nice draft. I feel the cool air on my bare feet. In the olden days, old women would have said, "Be careful, you're going to catch a cold!" Does anyone go around making that claim still?

The nonsense we are told when we are children. It is mind boggling. We have to unlearn so much when we become adults and knowledgeable. It's a terrible thing to be raised by poorly informed people. And to think that there used to be so many of them around. I shudder at the thought. It sure as heck doesn't make me long for the 'good old days.'

I've got to walk the dog. We are a little off our schedule today. That's because I took an unexpected nap at a time I normally don't. I'm full of surprises.

Have a nice day.

Ciao,
Nora

Should haves...

I was supposed to have gone to bed a while ago, but then got caught up in changing the templates to my blogs. This got me so excited, that I'm wide awake again and now I have to settle down all over again. I'm having another glass of cold milk in the hope that it will work soothingly and make me sleepy like it usually does. 

Changing the templates was really a spur of the moment thing. I think I really didn't want to go back to bed and was looking for an excuse to stay up. I sometimes like a little bit of excitement in the middle of the night. I don't get very much of it anymore now that I've quit my tranquilizers, so I have to create some when I can. I do need my little highs every now and then. 

I'm starting to yawn, so there's hope yet. I will be able to sleep for a couple of hours before I have to get up. The fun and excitement will start at 9 am. 

Bed is never so enticing as when you've been up half the night and oh so difficult to get out of in the morning. I will have to set the alarm clock. It's got an irritating enough sound so I won't sleep through it, though I seem to remember that one time I was so stupefied that I did. It must have been because of the drugs. I'll blame everything on them. 

The cat and the dog have been very well behaved since I've been up, while they were so very irritating before that. I guess they don't like for me to sleep and prefer it if I keep watch over them. The dog's been spread out on the sofa and the cat's been sound asleep on the bed. Before that time they were bickering and keeping me awake. They are just like two ornery little kids. 

Since today is Monday, it's going to be one of those long days in which my time is not my own. I will be surrounded by other people. I only enjoy that up to a point. There's a limit to how much I can stand that. I do look forward already to the end of the afternoon when I will be on my own again. 

First I have to go back to bed. I'm not quite ready to, but I'm going to have to make the effort. I'll just force myself to go to bed and fall asleep. It will be a matter of willpower. It may possibly just be nice to get under the duvet and get warm and cozy.

Have a good day all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

For the sake of a cup of coffee...

It was a peaceful Saturday and it went by quickly. It's already evening and it's starting to get dark outside. No doubt that is partially due to the rain clouds that have moved in. 

It's supposed to rain a little during the night, but you won't hear me complain about that. I like a little rain now and then, especially when I'm lying in bed and I can listen to it through the open window. 

The wind has picked up and there's a nice draft blowing through the apartment.  The wind is coming from the west and that's where our weather is coming from. It's from England, so whatever kind of weather they had, we are getting next. In the fall, that usually means rainy and windy weather. 

I just walked the dog and I do have to remember that a brisk walk energizes me.  I felt better when we got back to the apartment than before we left and whatever cobwebs were in my head, were completely blown away. 

We had walked quickly because the dog was in a hurry the whole way. Sometimes he gets that way and he acts like he's chasing something. I have a hard time keeping up with him because he hardly dallies anywhere. We just go. He leads and I follow. It's like a slapstick movie. 

But it does energize me and I always feel good afterwards and I think what a lot of good exercise does and that I really should get more of it. Then I remember that I'm physically too lazy and that I like sitting in my armchair. I exercise my arm by drinking a cup of coffee or a glass of milk. 

I changed my bed and celebrated it by taking a nap in it this afternoon. I do need to recharge my batteries regularly. All the mental activity that I engage in wears me out. I live in my head too much. A nap is a break from my own thoughts. 

I'm caught up on all my chores and the apartment is amazingly clean and organized. I've got to hang up a load of laundry to dry in a little while. The washing machine just got done. Hanging up laundry is one of my favorite things to do.

The dog thinks he wants to go out again and maybe for the sake of the exercise I should take him. I think I will wait until it's bedtime and make sure he's all set for the night.

I've got to watch the news and be informed about the world. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

A reminder...

Just a gentle reminder that I'm mostly blogging here now.

Ciao,
Nora

Friday morning...

It's early in the morning and unless I'm hypo-manic, I'm never going to say that I'm in an excellent mood again. It will suffice to say that I'm reasonably calm now and not all too depressed, but then the day has not properly started yet and this is just a prelude to it. 

I'm still fairly relaxed and the nerves aren't screaming through my body yet, although I feel an undertone of them in the not too far away distance. I have just taken my medicines, but not my tranquilizers because I think I will not take them again during the day. I think it was a misconceived idea of mine that they were helping me. 

I have to go see my psychiatrist a nine o'clock. I guess I'm a bit uptight about that because I don't know what to expect. I hope for some sort of solution, but I don't know if I will get it. I'm counting on his knowledge, but I also know his way of reasoning about my case. I don't expect any miracles. I don't think a rabbit will be pulled out of a hat. 

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Ciao,

Nora