Wednesday, October 6, 2010

At the end of the day...

Tomorrow I am meeting with both my SPN and my psychiatrist because it is thought that I am hypomanic. My antipsychotics have already been increased and hopefully soon I will start to notice the difference. Needless to say, this has been going on for quite some time and I'm not in the joyful stage of it either.On the contrary, I'm in the negative and crazy making stage.

This afternoon, while I was taking a much needed nap on the sofa, Tyke killed the telephone that was resting on the coffee table so it would be within easy reach of me when my SPN called me back. Luckily, she had the number of my mobile phone and that is what woke me up. I viewed the disaster that used to be the telephone and saw the parts sticking out and Tyke wagging his tail and looking ever so innocent. What do you do but pick up the pieces and throw them in the trash? I doubt it would have done much good to get mad at him. 

He had also mauled my cigarettes and lighter that were lying beside the telephone and this necessitated a quick trip to the store to buy some new lighters, because it had been the last one I had. I could have cursed him for that, but the problem was easily solved. Buying a new telephone is a different matter all together and requires some cash output that I had not counted on this month. People are just going to have to call me on my mobile phone for a while. Everyone who is important has that number. I hardly get any phone calls anyway, nor do I make that many. A telephone is not high on my list of things that I absolutely can't live without.

Tonight I fell asleep on the sofa again, which is great because I'm suffering from a great shortage of sleep. I had not been able to sleep at night or during the day. I made sure my mobile phone was some place safe. I was not going to leave it lying around. God forbid! When I woke up, I felt better than I had in quite a while, but I know that's just a momentary thing and not to get my hopes up. I didn't feel that terrible urge to self medicate with coffee, although I am having some. It just seems less important now and not like my mood and everything else depend on it. 

I don't feel like going to bed now. I'm enjoying the moment too much. Not that it's completely free of stress, but it's much better than it has been lately. If and when I do get sleepy, I'm just going to move to the sofa. It won't be like I've officially gone to bed. For some reason that's important. It feels more liberating to sleep on the sofa. 

I just want to add that being manic depressive is a hard job. Even when I say I'm doing well, you have to remember that it's all relative to what is doing not well. I keep having to convince myself that the glass is half full when very often it is nearly empty. 



Wisewebwoman said...

I'm so relieved you are getting help my dear, I was worried as you know.

I guess you have to protect your bits and pieces from Tyke or get him some good beef bones from the butcher that would keep him occupied.

Manic depression is unpredictable and scary.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Stay safe and warm.


Maggie May said...

Your life isn't easy but you are managing it so well.

Pity about the phone! Naughty Tyke.
Hope today goes well for you.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Twain12 said...

i'm glad you are getting some help , i can't even imaging what you are going through.
Tyke is a little rascal

Bev said...

That Tyke is a one. Scampy scats at our door so we have a big hole in the carpet there. He also makes to bite the postman through the letter box so we have had to buy a post box so save his fingers!
It's just one of the things you have to put with dogs.

I hope the meeting with the psychiatrist goes well to improve your treatment.

aims said...

Being away I am completely at a loss as to what has been happening with you this summer.

I didn't have my laptop nor did I use my brother's computer so I'm completely in the dark. I must either search back or have you email me.

Are you up to it?

Sending my love and support my friend.

Anonymous said...

I hope your appointments go well and that your updated treatment plan and meds work better for you. I can't really imagine the ups and downs you live with, but as others have said, you do seem to manage reasonably well most of the time ... and then Tyke destroys your phone, cigarettes and lighter, too. As if you need that to deal with right now! Oh well, at least he's adorable! Sending you cyberhugs!