I got up during the night, although I had vowed not to do that. I wrote a post about that experience, justifying it and making it look like it was not such a bad thing to do at all, and that I could really handle it and that it was unlikely to cause me any problems. That post was, in fact, a load of bullshit and I realized that in the morning and deleted it. I know there were people who read it and I'm sorry that they did, because they must have had their doubts about me and my sensibility.
I did go back to bed after I wrote that post and slept another few hours, but after I had been up for a little while, I rapidly started to cycle downwards into a depression. At first I didn't realize the cause and the effect and I thought I was doomed to have another bad day. I didn't know what to do and thought maybe the medication I was taking was all wrong for me and that all sorts of things about it would have to be changed.
I walked Tyke and then tried to concentrate on watching some cultural programs on TV, but it didn't alter my mood and I thought, "My God, what's the sense in living?" I took my second batch of medicines and laid down on the sofa, not knowing what else to do. I fell asleep there and slept for 4 hours and when I woke up, my depression was gone and I felt fine. Which goes to show you, like I already knew from past experiences, but had forgotten, that when I'm rapidly cycling downwards, I need to go to sleep and seriously sleep for a couple of hours, deeply and undisturbed.
I used to have a sign that said, "You are rapid cycling! Go to sleep!" I don't know what happened to it and I will ask the Exfactor to make me a new one. All I know is, that when I'm rapid cycling, I need a lot of sleep, more than usual, 8 hours isn't going to do it, and a disturbed night's sleep is really bad. I need to sleep at least 10 hours if not more. The depression is cured by sleeping.
So the next time I'm up in the middle of the night and I decide to write a post, and it is a bullshit story justifying my reason to be up, just ignore it. Or better yet, call me on it.
Ciao,
Nora
7 comments:
i'm glad you figured it out...here is to a good day today :)
Paint a beautiful sign for yourself.
All it has to say is "Sleep".
glad you nailed it.
XO
WWW
Hi Nora, just popping in to say hello, will be home soon and back to my regular routine. I didn't read the post you speak of but I am glad you figured out that you needed to rest......will talk soon, it is Thankgiving here in Canada and our weather is beautiful......:-) Hugs
Great upfront post. You inspire, Nora. It is Spring in Tassie and my son and I have been getting in the sowing and planting, tidying up after a muddy Winter and fiddling with new beds. My computer died for several months...well two pcs, one little laptop, the kettle, the playstation and something else I have forgotten. Trying to catch up on what everyone is doing.
i'm glad you figured it out, too. sleep is so wonderful for so many reasons. and i love the sidebar picture of tyke.
I love to sleep - it's often the best thing to do when things are awful, although sometimes you need some chemical help (at least I do!). I hope things are better for you soon!
xo
I'm glad you worked it out Nora.
Things are always better after a good sleep. x
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