Monday, October 18, 2010

A misconception...

I managed to sleep for more than 7 hours last night, although I did get up to go to the toilet once. I was smart enough to go back to bed, but I woke up when I couldn't catch my breath and was having breathing problems, which would be the sleep apnea acting up. I got up then and looked at the alarm clock and decided that I had slept enough and that it was okay to start the day and go have a cup of coffee. 

So far that's all I've had, one cup of coffee, and I'm undecided if I will have another one. There's enough for one more cup in the pot and I think I may as well have it, though the desire is not great like it usually is. I used to drink coffee as if it were the elixir of life and I don't have that anymore now. Not since I've stopped taking my sleeping pill and on top of that, I'm sleeping better too.

I was out walking Tyke last night and found it very cold. I'm just not used to it anymore and can't imagine it getting colder than this. My legs don't feel warm enough in the leggings and pretty soon I'll have to start wearing knitted tights underneath them.

There seems to be some idea that I can't write about my memories here from when I was a child. That somehow this is going to be damaging to me and that by doing so I will become a sorrowful heap of sadness who won't be able to get through the rest of the day. I have to tell you that this is not true and that writing down these memories can be very liberating. I am, after all, exposing the experience for the farce that it was and the culprit for the bully they were. All of it was a farce, of which I was unfortunately the victim, but that is how I look back on it now. I was a child, but very much aware that something was majorly wrong with the picture. That I was ruled by imbeciles and the main goal in  my life was to become an adult as quickly as possible and be free of them. Now, it is true that this backfired on me, but the intention was there. 

Enough said about that. 

Tyke was very bad during the night and pulled my clothes off the rattan chair and chewed on my bra and my boots. I got very angry with him, but I don't think he is impressed. Now I have to leave my clothes in the bathroom where he can't get to them, but he also pulled a book off the shelf and chewed on it. He's being especially destructive lately, even though I take him for more walks. I think he wants more attention from me and it is possible that he's not getting enough of that. I have been preoccupied and he must sense that my mind is not on the job. 

Today is the first Monday that I'm also getting a personal helper besides on Fridays and I'm looking forward to it. She will motivate me to get things done and be company for me. Getting things done is the most important thing, such as taking a shower and washing my hair and finding new clothes to wear, which are important things to start the week with. I have a hard time getting the show on the road on Mondays and I also realized just now that I have to stop taking my tranquilizers in the morning, because they make me feel too tired and they slow me down. So I do need to drink some more coffee and hope they wear off soon. I won't take any this afternoon. I think I have enough in my system and it will be a good time to start reducing them. 

Right, I have to get going. I have to pick up the pieces of the destroyed book and clean up the kitchen. It does have to look as though I care a little bit. 





Lane said...

If writing out memories is liberating - go for it. You have some dreadful memories and I admire how you've not got sucked down by them.

Dress warm today. The Indian summer has definitely passed.

Frances said...

Writing down things is supposed to be very good therapy. On paper they look clear and expressing them gets them out in the open and away from the shadows.
Your friends only worry about what's happening to you when you are not writing LOL.

Twain12 said...

oh that Tyke...i hope he didn't damage your things.I hope you have a good day ♥

Gail said...

I read too much...but I did read of a symbolic ceremony in which you write these things down privately and have much ceremony in the burning of the paper as you also release the hold these events and people have on you.

I did say I read too much, right??

Have a wonderful day!


I keep a jornel and write in it when I feel down and out from my past,its cheaper then going to a shrink and I feel I can say anything in it.It all effects you for the rest of your life and we all find ways to cope with it and thats my way, after I have writen in it I feel like a ton has been lifted off of my sholders ! Have a good day !

Wisewebwoman said...

You write what you want - your blog your rules.

Maggie May said...

I have always thought that writing about my problems helps greatly. There is a kind of therapeutic quality in doing so.

I would also be cross if Tyke ate my bra and boots as well as a book. Naughty, naughty thing to do!
Ash has discovered the pleasure of tissues! They make a big mess, I can tell you.

Hope the personal helper was satisfactory. I think thats what I need. Someone to motivate me.
I did get some things done today though.

Have a good night tonight.
Maggie X

Bernie said...

Hope you had a wonderful day and sleeping well tonight Nora.
I agree with WWW, this is your blog, your rules. Sometimes we only mean to help with suggestions when perhaps we shouldn't make so many. I know I am guilty of trying to help everyone and honestly Nora I am not a professional and only say what works in my life. Be well my friend.....:-) Hugs