Sunday, October 24, 2010


I need a lot of coffee, because I'm almost dozing off behind the computer and it's not nearly time to go to bed, although I am more than ready for it to be. I may go early tonight and sleep as long as I can possibly manage to make up for last night when I hardly slept at all. 

Still you would think that all that sleep this morning would have made up for it and the nap this afternoon. Apparently that didn't help at all, or I'm so tired after my little drama that I need extra sleep. I can't forget about it, because my sore wrists remind me of it constantly. I would like to completely put it out of my mind, but I'm afraid I'll have to send an email to my SPN in a little while explaining to her what happened. There's always an aftermath to deal with, isn't there? 

I'm almost embarrassed that I rapid cycled about such a little incident that took mostly place inside my own head and that had such dire consequences for me. I felt I was going to rapid cycle a while ago when the cigarettes were all gone and the coffee spilled over the desk and the ashtray. I felt like breaking down and crying, but then I thought that it was only a temporary setback that could be fixed and I could always go to sleep if I couldn't handle it. Rapidly cycling downwards is like having a nervous breakdown repeatedly. 

Rapidly cycling upwards is like repeatedly finding joy and elation at nothing at all. At just any ordinary thing and getting the most pleasure out of it that you can. Finding ecstasy, even if it lasts for only brief moments, and pure unadulterated joy that lasts for hours. It's like being high on a drug. 

I've had 2 cups of coffee and that is enough. I'm awake again. I mustn't drink any more, because I may not fall asleep tonight.  I am planning on sleeping well and not having a long night up like I did last night. That was so silly, I fell asleep behind the computer with my head on the edge of the desk. I still have a sore spot on top of my forehead. Luckily, I'm not permanently branded by it. I could have fallen asleep on the keyboard too. I wonder what sort of problems I would have gotten the computer into then? I would have given it conflicting messages. I might have had a mess on my hands. 

I was just standing by the back door, letting out Tyke, and it was cold outside. Now I am chilled to the bone and I really need a cup of hot chocolate milk, but I don't know if that works the same as caffeine. Does it? I should just give it a try, because it would warm my stomach and surroundings so nicely. It's practically a meal, a cup of hot chocolate milk. I always feel very full when I've had one. That reminds me of when I used to drink Cup a Soup. That was always very good too. I must get into that habit again now that the weather is colder. 

Well, I'm off to the microwave oven. No pots and pans required. 

Have a nice evening!



Lane said...

Falling asleep on the keyboard would have been nasty! Hope your forehead has recovered from the desk:-)

Hope you sleep well tonight nora and that the milk does the trick.

Bernie said...

Can't believe I missed this post, I do hope you sleep better tonight in bed.....:-) Hugs


I added myself to follow your blog. You are more than welcome to visit mine and become a follower if you want to.

God Bless You :-)


aims said...

I've just woken from falling asleep with my forehead on my desk. It seems to be happening every single morning now. I'm obviously not getting enough rest and I have a sleep apnea machine now!

Have you ever been checked for that?

I read your previous post and understood it completely. Two days ago I was depressed I didn't know what to do with myself except keep away from everyone. I saved the crying until yesterday when I was having a lovely time and all I did was think of how much I love my brother and I broke down in tears. Then later it was checking the date and seeing that it has been 2 years instead of a year that my Dolly died. Tears galore. And much sadness. Out of a happy day. Strange.

We woke to a sea of white here. It starts again. Fortunately we are counting the days to the time we leave.

Jocelyn said...

It's a difficult thing to write coherently from the edge of a kind of hysteria--you know, to throw a lasso of control around feelings that are still spiraling. May the coffee have served as a focusing mechanism!


Hubbies sleep specialist told him ya can never catch up on sleep, thats a myth, He also said to get the right sleep and enough of it you need to put yourself into a nightly rutine go to bed at the same time every nigh even if your not tired so that when its time for bed every night you will beable to sleep the night away ! He did it and it works, he suffed from sleep apnea ! Have a great day, and get some rest !