I woke up after a couple of hours of sleep and was wide awake. I got up immediately and didn't even try to stay in bed and go back to sleep. All I could think was, "Get up, get up, and make the most of it." I didn't want to stay in bed and struggle with sleep and nightmares and tossing and turning, when I could be up and have a good time behind the computer in the quiet time of the middle of the night. I realize that now I have to catch up on my sleep during the day or otherwise pay a terrible price in the form of a depression, but I've got the whole morning to sleep and I assume I will get tired toward the dawn.
I now realize why I don't like sleeping during the night. It's those nightmares and the tossing and turning and the feeling that the night seems to last forever and be a matter of hard labor that turns me off. That headache I woke up with in the morning, and that I thought had disappeared with the first cup of coffee, returned in full force and lasted all day until I took a paracetamol with codeine. I'm sure it is a stress headache and not a migraine, and several times my neck cracked when I turned it, but I don't think you're supposed to get stress from sleeping. The nightmares bothered me very much and I didn't want a repeat of that.
I did last well all day, though, and didn't feel the need for a nap and my mood was good all day long. I even changed my clothes and got properly dressed and put earrings in. It does feel good to look nice and feel as if you've pulled yourself together, even if it is only for your own benefit and to walk the dog in. At least I enjoyed walking the dog several times, regardless of the never ending sameness of the scenery and it wasn't a chore like it sometimes is. Walking a dog in the suburbs can be very non-challenging and boring. I'm sure it isn't that much fun for the dog either, although he seems to make a big deal out of it and is always tracking something. Maybe he gets a bigger kick out of it than I do and I'm projecting my feelings onto him.
I have to set the alarm clock for 10 am, because the tobacco shop is only open in the morning on Mondays. I must get my own brand of tobacco, because anything else doesn't taste as good and is thrown away money. The stuff they sell at the supermarket isn't half as nice and comes in inferior containers that have a lot of crumb in them. I guess you could say that when it comes to tobacco, I am a connoisseur and that's why I have it specially ordered.
I have just taken my morning medication and am waiting for that to work. I should be more relaxed in just a while. Subconsciously a lot of tension creeps in as the day grows nearer. I start to worry about how the day will go and about the things I'm supposed to do and I always feel like I'm not up to doing them. They overwhelm me, simple as they are. I'm starting to get a headache and I guess that's the new way the stress is going to manifest itself.
I'm waiting to get tired now. I expect I'll get sleepy soon, but I don't feel it yet. I think I will wait until it's time to take Tyke for a walk and then maybe go to bed. It's cold outside and the cool air should do wonders for my headache. It will shock it right back to where it came from.
Have a good morning.