Today I was forced to change from my tank top and my pretty red cardigan into a turtleneck sweater and a knitted black cardigan, and when I went out to walk Tyke in the afternoon, I wore my warmer brown leather jacket with my big blue scarf doubled up around my neck. I had been freezing my buns off when I met my friend Lucienne for coffee at a café where there was the only non heated terrace in town with the wind blowing right on it and we sat and shivered at the table because we both smoke and didn't want to go inside.
Neither one of us was dressed warm enough, because this kind of weather was not forecast. We wore fall clothes and what we really needed were winter clothes. We should have worn gloves, that's how cold it was. There had been no sunshine in the morning, so the world had not gotten a chance to heat up. On top of that, we were at a café across the station, which is a notorious place for being windy. It wasn't my choice for having a cup of coffee, but that's the way it worked out. We both had appointments with our therapists at the same time and met afterwards and Lucienne had made arrangements to be picked up at that café.
I had to ride my bike home in the cold and swore at myself for being so thinly dressed when I knew ahead of time from the Exfactor that it was cold outside. He had arrived in the morning on his motorcycle complaining that it was cold and he doesn't complain quickly. He had also needed to wear extra clothing. His long johns for one thing. I'm never going to wear thin clothes again from this point onward. It will be double layers from now on and always my thick blue scarf and I will put my gloves in my pocket and look for new ones to buy to match my scarf so that I will be color co-ordinated. You do have to give consideration to these things even if you are cold.
My appointment with my SPN went alright, except that we talked about me getting up in the middle of the night and my subconscious desire to want be up then and to not want to be asleep, although I expressed my wish to want to sleep all night long. Apparently I so enjoy my time during the night that I have programmed myself to be awake after I go to the toilet. The thing to try to do is to go back to sleep immediately and to not even get up for a cigarette and a glass of milk. I wish I had that desire in me, but I have such a big wish to be awake. I don't know what role my dreams play in it.
Tonight I have to try to sleep through the night because I have an appointment at 10 o'clock in the morning with my psychiatrist. I will not have the opportunity to get up and go back to bed and sleep late. So tonight is a test to see if I can do it and sleep decently until the alarm clock goes off and what dreams I will have. I had very sad and complicated dreams this morning and I have to think about them all day long and wonder what they mean. Maybe I make too much of them.
This morning I only had decaf left to drink and let me tell you, that does not work if you are used to regular coffee. I sat here in a stupor, yawning and trying to get my head to clear up while trying to make conversation with the Exfactor. I was nearly incapable of it. I hardly got a word out. Then he went grocery shopping and I walked Tyke and when he got back, the first thing I did was make a pot of coffee and have a cup immediately. It was as if a miracle took place and I became coherent again and my mood improved by a multitude. Actually, the Exfactor became more talkative too, so it had an effect on him also, so decaf was not working for both of us. Apparently he had not had enough coffee yet either.
The Exfactor accidentally bought Fair Trade coffee. He thought it was priced cheaply and didn't find out it was 2 Euros more expensive per pack until he got to the cash register. I had never bought it, but my sister buys it and I always think her coffee tastes bad, so it was with some amount of trepidation that I made the pot of coffee, thinking that it wasn't going to taste as good as the coffee I normally get. But I have to tell you that it was fine and tasted good, so it is all in how well you make it. Apparently my sister doesn't know how to make a good pot of coffee. I use one rounded tablespoon per cup and I think I possibly make strong coffee, but that's the way I like it. Everybody else seems to think so also. I would love to buy Fair Trade coffee all the time, but it would add 4 Euros a week to my grocery bill and I can't afford that. Poor people can't afford to buy ecologically and biologically sound products. We just have to do without. I just can't do without coffee.
I just took Tyke for his last walk of the day. The wind has stopped blowing as much and now it's just pleasantly cold. That thick scarf sure is a pleasure to wear, but I notice that I really need a warmer winter coat, so I will have to save up my money for it, or wear more layers of clothing. I had forgotten what it feels like to be cold and this is just the beginning. I don't mind as much if the wind doesn't blow, but that's the culprit. I still don't have the heater turned on, because it's still warm inside. The sun shines through the living room windows in the afternoon and heats it up in here. I have closed the bedroom windows because it was getting too cold with them open at night. I was freezing my butt off when I got undressed in the evening when I went to bed. The back of the apartment is in the shade, so definitely cooler and the windows don't have double glazing.
I'm going to cut the top of my hair in a little while. The rest of it has been cut short, but I didn't have the top cut short enough. I can do it myself easily with sharp enough scissors and save 15 Euros, or look ridiculous, but I don't think so, because I used to cut my own hair all the time. I looked at my friend Lucienne's hair today and realized that mine was too long. Hers was shorter and perkier and made her look younger and was better styled. My hair is unruly and hard to tame and only in good shape when it's just been cut. So, before I put my pajamas on I will do that.
Have a good evening, everyone and tell me about your weather.